Ste. Genevieve Herald
Ste. Genevieve, Mo.
Saturday, 26 July 1884
ADVICE TO OLD MEN
Don’t presume on your age.
Don’t be vain of your handsome gray hair and whiskers.
Don’t set yourselves up as models of propriety in public and get full of booze in private.
Don’t think because young men are young, they are fools. They probably are, but you were young once yourself.
Don’t take the front seats at ballet shows. Your bald heads reflect the light unpleasantly.
Don’t say vulgar things before ladies and excuse yourselves on the ground that you are old enough to be their fathers.
Don’t forget that age must respect itself before it can command it before others.
Don’t sour the world on you by souring yourselves on the world.
Don’t fool with temptation.
Don’t be too wise.
Don’t try to make love. The old fools are the biggest fools.
Don’t let your love of the world make you forget that a man never gets too old to die.
Don’t try to be a boy. Your grandsons will attend to that part of the business.
Don’t let the evening life be less joyous than the morning. The freshness of the morning gave you vigor to work through time; and the quiet of the evening should give you peace to rest through eternity.
The right to do pretty much as they please.
The right to make a fuss when a fellow stays out late.
The right to blame everything on their husband’s money-losing and money-making propensities just as it happens.
The right to turn a house topsy-turvy three weeks every six months, and call it house cleaning.
The right to make the old man vote any way they want him to.
The right to a home, a husband and a baby.
A batchelor’s view: “Men’s rights –” and this is as much as they deserve.